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  “No, it’s just I want to try a different position. Can we do that or do you want to finish like this? Sorry, did I ruin the mood? I shouldn’t have asked.”

  John presses a finger up to my lips to silence me. “Don’t ever question yourself. As long as you’re with me. My woman never questions herself. Do you understand?”

  I nod my head in agreement. John rolls over and rolls me on top of him.

  “This time I will try to cum with you. Now ride me, Amanda.”

  I lean forward and keep my hands on John’s hairy chest to steady myself. I move my hips grinding against his massive cock. John is cupping my breasts with both hands and pinching the hardened peaks. John removes his hands. Places them on my hips and forces me to sit upright. John's now bucking his hips to meet my movements.

  My orgasm is coming. I’m being driven closer and closer to the edge with John’s increasing pace.

  “I’m close,” I say.

  “Me too.”

  John bucks up one last time and let’s out a loud groan. It’s enough to send me over the edge as well. I collapse forward on John’s chest. Both our sweaty bodies lay exhausted. I stay laying atop John keeping his softening cock inside of me. John wraps his strong arms around me and keeps me pressed against him.

  This was the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ve only ever had sex with Ryan before this and it was never this intense. Visions of Ryan at our wedding enter my head. Then Ryan holding our newborn son. Ryan was never the best of husbands, but he was mine. I loved him and now I’ve betrayed him by sleeping with his business partner. Tears begin to fall and I openly weep with grief and shame for what I had just done.

  “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?

  “This is wrong John. I still love Ryan. I’ve betrayed him.” I roll off of John to get up. I begin to dress. “We can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this anymore. We need to end this John. I can’t see you anymore. Please, stop coming around. I don’t know if I can stop myself if you’re here. Please, go.” I turn my back to John.

  “I know what you’re going through.”

  “Please, go. I won’t ask again.” Tears stream down my face.

  I can hear John rising and getting his underwear on.

  “I’ll go. Just know, I want you to be my woman. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”

  Chapter 9

  Amanda

  It’s been two months since I had last seen John. Jake is still with his grandparents. I cherished the time I’ve had by myself. I’ve settled into a regular pattern. Then my world shatters when I get a call from the Coast Guard.

  They say that they’ve found Ryan’s boat off of the coast of Bermuda. Ryan’s body was on board. They say they won’t know for sure until after the autopsy, but they think Ryan was blown off course and something happened where he couldn’t find his way back.

  I’ve been holding out a sliver of hope that Ryan would be found. I know that deep down inside I really knew that Ryan was dead. I’m officially a widow now. I don’t feel sad for Ryan. I just don’t feel anything. I think it’s been so long without knowing that now that I do know, I just don’t know how I should feel.

  I’ll need to tell Jake that his father is gone. I don’t know how I can get up the nerve to face him. I’ll need to be there for Jake. He’s been doing so well since talking with John, I don’t want him to slide back in his progress.

  John. I’ll need to tell him. What do I say? I don’t know. I don’t know if I can face him after kicking him out of the house. I wish it was like before John and I had slept together. I really need someone strong to lean up against and someone that can help me through this. John probably hates me for misleading him. Probably doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’ll need to do this alone. I need to be strong for Jake.

  *****

  The funeral was held with a closed casket. I did insist on seeing Ryan one last time. He was almost unrecognizable. If this wasn’t Ryan I would have been repulsed by the state of the body. All I could do was search for something familiar. I found a facial blemish that only someone intimate with him would know was there. I held onto it in my mind and it helped to drown out all of the other things wrong with Ryan’s appearance. This is my husband. The man I fell in love with, married, and had a child with. I am thankful that his body was found and that we can lay him to rest. I can finally begin to heal and have some closure.

  The burial was held at a local cemetery. Ryan was buried in a plot next to his father. There was a large turnout for the viewing and burial. Ryan’s mother was in near hysterics and had to leave early. Most at the viewing were business partners paying their last respects. Ryan would have liked this farewell.

  Jake and I are receiving the last of the well-wishers.

  “Hey, look it’s John,” says Jake.

  John is dressed in a three-piece suit. I can tell he’s uncomfortable in it. I didn’t see him at the viewing or the burial. He must have been watching at a distance. He comes over to me and Jake.

  “Hey, little man. You’re the man of the house now. Are you going to take care of your mom?”

  “Yeah, I can do that. I’m strong enough.”

  “I know you are, bub. Amanda,” John looks me in the eyes. There’s a softness in his expression. John grabs and holds one of my hands in his. “I’m sorry for your loss. I know you’re strong enough to get through this. Just know that you aren’t alone. I’ll be there for you with whatever you need all you need to do is ask.”

  I don’t know what to say. I open my mouth, but no words come out. John let’s go of my hand. I wish that he hadn’t. John turns to leave and all I can do is stare at him as he walks away.

  *****

  Three months go by. Laying Ryan to rest really resolved a lot of things for me. Ryan will always be a part of me, but I think I’m ready to let someone else into my life. I think I’m finally ready to move on.

  I’ve been thinking of calling John or sending him a text. I’ve written texts to him, but I can’t get enough courage to send them. When I’m out in public, I mistake muscular men for John. I get a pang of disappointment when it’s not him. Loud motorcycles will also get my expectations up, then they crash down when I see it’s not John and the riders go by.

  It’s a stormy night, Jake and I are playing board games. I’m distracted with thoughts of John.

  “Mom, it’s your turn.”

  “I’m sorry, I was thinking of something.”

  “Were you thinking about John?” I look away from Jake.

  “No, not that.”

  "I know you like him. I think John likes you too. You should go see him. You can drop me off at Kyle's. He got that new game I was telling you about."

  “Do you want to get rid of your mom, so that you can play a game with your friend?

  “Yeah. Also, I know that you want to see John. So, it’s a win-win.”

  “You’re right. I’ll go see John.”

  The storm has really picked up. The rain is coming down in sheets. I drop Jake off at his friend's house. I drive to John's trailer. I park outside. I can see the lights are on. He's probably home. This is stupid. What am I supposed to say? What if he's with someone? A crash of thunder startles me. It hardens my resolve. I don't know how things will turn out for John and me if I don't try.

  I get out of the car and the rain soaks me. I should have brought a jacket. I knock on John’s door. The door swings open. John is shirtless. He gives me a look up and down taking in the sight of my wet body.

  “I hear you have a sex dungeon in there. Can I see it?”

  John smiles and invites me in.

  Epilogue

  I’ve been sitting in the office for almost an hour. He’s late. I told him to be here in the morning. I hear a motorcycle pull up. The door of the office opens. John enters looking like he just rolled out of bed.

  “You’re late.”

  “You said you wanted to meet in the morning. It’s morning.”

  “I’m not going to argue with
you. Let’s get down to business. The house on Hancock Street is falling behind on the renovation. You’ll need to go over there and light a fire under the butts of those contractors.”

  “Alright, I’ll go now.” John turns to leave.

  “Wait.” I get out from behind the desk and walk over to John. “You don’t get to leave without giving your wife a kiss.” John leans in and plants a hard and wet kiss. He bites my lower lip and gives it a tug before releasing. John turns to leave. “Wait.” John turns back around. “Your unborn child needs a kiss too.” John turns around kneels in front of me. Pulls my shirt up over my six-month pregnant belly and kisses it.

  The End

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